Francesco di Marco Marmitta da Parma (Emilian, 1457 (?)-1505)
Adoration of the Shepherds (recto), 15th century, ca. 1492-95

Finally recoverd from my tiredness. Slept well last night. French was fun, as always. I was too tired to take much of it in. Todays painting was picked purely for its colours. The blues are quite beautiful and the painting feels fresh and alive.

I'm going to be applying for a PhD in Holland today. I probably have no chance of getting it and I'm not sure I want to leave the country. However it does sound like an adventure. My energy is good. I feel I can do anything. The sustained feeling I have had for the past 6 months could be likened to the manic phase as described by a manic-depressive. In the past I used to get brief phases of energy then the depression would take hold again. However I feel more balanced, I dont have the sense my calm will evaporate and I need to fill it to take advantage of it.

I have a dangerous instrument to hand, a well written CV and an "I can do anything attitude". I'm apprehensive of the potential for life change I am armed with. My apprehension arrises from the fear that change can be for the good or worst. I hope I stay this positive.

Is mood like the seasons. In winter we forget Summer and in Summer Winter is forgotten, apart from the briefest glimpse of one in the other.

posted by Jatinder at 7:41 AM

Ludolf Backhuysen
Ships in Distress off a Rocky Coast, 1667
Ailsa Mellon Bruce Fund
1985.29.1

Still tired. I will be working late to make up flexi-time. Then I have 3hrs of French. I need sleep and plenty of it.

I feel a little low, mostly due to tiredness. When I'm tired everything feels distant and thinking clearly is difficult. I used to be hard on myself for being tired ,never allowing myself to have an excuse. I have learnt to accept who I am. I have allowed my body to teach me what it is capable of, I allow the world to teach me.

I still have lousy concentration but I'm learning patience. I wish I could observe as well as Mr Backhuysen, see above. I wonder what the world can teach me if I have the patience to listen and observe.
posted by Jatinder at 9:40 AM

Albrecht Dürer
Knight, Death and Devil, 1513
Gift of W.G. Russell Allen
1941.1.20


I am exhausted. I ran 20 Km on Monday then when I got home I caught a burglar trying to break into the flat above mine.

I have been angry with people around me. I feel criticised. Normally I would have internalised the anger and blamed myself. I no longer do that. I'm eccentric and that gets adverse attention. I can live with that, and I can get angry. People are threatened by others who look and think differently, as I do. I'm not going to change for their benefit. I tried that and I only got hurt and lost.

If someone can't or won't understand me that is their problem. Most criticism seems to come from their own personal insecurity. I am the knight on his journey. There is the Devil to tempt me and death is always behind life, the Black Sun. I will travel my journey and others will have to travel theirs.
posted by Jatinder at 8:26 AM

Michelangelo Buonarroti
1475-1563
Deploration over the Dead Christ
Red chalk


His work feels so modern. Even in this sketch you can feel the lifelessness of Christ's body
posted by Jatinder at 8:04 AM