Da Vinci
Skull Study

I wanted a skull illustration. Thank to the wonders of the internet I found one by a genius 500 years dead. I have been thinking about one's voices. The little quiet voices we have in our heads which whisper away- all the people I have questioned about them say they are always negative. The worst approach we can take to them is to ignore them. They will only get louder. They need to be heard and by being louder in your head they will be. By giving them voice they then lose their potency.

It is an irony that by giving the voices power of expression they lose the power to control one's thoughts. Also these voices have something to teach about who we are, it is often interesting to follow what is behind them. A voice of mine that criticised my intelligence, when followed to its root ,was full of childhood memories of my father and sister criticising me. Seeing that vision gave me the insight I needed to overcome that voice.

The form of expression is a personal choice. Music, poetry, song, a conversation with a friend, a talk with a pillow. I prefer to write. I'm learning the guitar and hope that will also be a voice for me one day.

Often the experience has to be repeated many time to have affect. These voices are a form of hypnosis, a quiet continuous suggestion. Learning from them, give yourself you own quiet, continuous suggestions.


I will escape.

Namaste.

posted by Jatinder at 7:10 AM

Wheatfield with Crows, 1890
Oil on Canvas, 50.5 X 103 cm
Van Gogh Museum, Amsterdam

What amazing bright colours. This painting has a childish edge to it. Some impressionists had an ambition to learn to paint as children do. I wonder if Van Gogh had that goal.

Mentally and physically exhausted. Just want to sleep.

It was my loves first day at university to day, my thoughts have been with her all day.

Dreamed I was powerless, I was in rooms full of people that had power over me and I was voiceless.

Not many word in me today.

More tomorrow.

Love, Peace and Happiness- especially to my love.
posted by Jatinder at 1:54 PM

View of the Mediterranean at Maguelonne, 1858
Oil on Canvas, 92 x 135 cm
Van Gogh Museum, Amsterdam

Fuming with anger. The fuckwit managers at work have just screwed the workforce over. I won't go into gory details. It is my first complete screwing at work. I'm trying to be positive. They have done me favour. I have all the motivation I need to move on, however this thinking still leaves the energy of my anger which needs to be expressed.

My love is now studying English at Swansea university, no she isn't 18; she has returned to university as a mature student.
I miss her, I even shed a tear or two last night when I went to sleep and she wasn't there next to me, unusual for me as I almost never cry

Stunning painting, could be Swansea Beach, I would rather be there then here right now.

Peace & Love

posted by Jatinder at 7:35 AM

By Pontormo
Study of Saint Francis : Verso: Dead Christ
Italian, about 1517
Black chalk

I am still punch drunk from 1/2 a bottle of wine and plenty of sleep. It takes until lunch before I am fully awake. Not many word in me today. Feel positive and happy.

Namaste

posted by Jatinder at 7:38 AM

Christ of St. John of the Cross,1951" by Salvador Dali

I have been thinking about fear and the psycho drama we impose on the world around us.

My thoughts on fear were sparked by a conversation with a Tae Kwon Do instructor. He was describing the belts and the meaning of the colours. Apparently the black of the black belt signifies fear, not the fear that others should have of you but the facing of inner fears. I immediately realised what my deepest fear was. It has shaped my life however it is a fear not a reality.

I was subject to a curious set of experiences recently. I put charachters around me into roles from my childhood, they acted the part and I re-experienced old emotion from that period. I was self aware enough to know it was happening but was trapped. It wasn't a conscious decision to re-enact the past and the people around me didn't realise they were doing so. I suspect this is a cycle and has re-occurred many times. Only now have I been aware enough to know it is happening.

When it was all over I felt abandoned, empty and lonely.

My running helped me recover from the brief depression and allowed me to reconnect with my energy and creativity

Why the picture?

Christ hangs over a black chasm, is he experiencing his fear of the chasm, of death. He may be regarded as a God but he came to Earth as a man with human fears.

Peace & Love
posted by Jatinder at 7:40 AM

Death Loves Me"
by Todd Lockwoood

I'm in a Dark mood at the moment. Death can seem seductive-she is wonderfully illustrated above.

Living Death, is to be abandoned, step lightly so it never happens again.

Breathe too deep and you will fall until the pit envelops you.


Namaste



posted by Jatinder at 10:04 AM

Heath at Laren, 1887
Watercolour, 52.5 x 81.5 cm
Van Gogh Museum, Amsterdam

A lonely scene, it reflects how I feel at the moment. I have been fighting my demons all weekend and feel I have lost the battle.

Zen in one sentence, " To be able to view the Moon clearly on the surface of the pond". The pond is you, the self causes the pond to ripple. The only way to see clearly is to remove the self.

I can't see anything anymore, the pond has mountainous waves. Fear and shame.

posted by Jatinder at 7:43 AM

Christus Consolator, 1837
Oil on Canvas, 184 x 248 cm
On loan from the Amsterdams Historisch Museum, Amsterdam

Religious painting seems the same the world over. This picture reminds me of the Sikh paintings my parents used to display in makeshift little shrines, completely contrary to the principles of Sikhism however many Sikhs do it anyway. This style of painting triggers thoughts of desperate parents with ill children ,and little hope, praying in front of them.

posted by Jatinder at 7:42 AM

Vierge nimbée, 1898
Pastel, 44 x 28 cm
Van Gogh Museum, Amsterdam*


What an incredible picture. What is going on. It reminds me of a dark winter morning, half asleep, last nights dreams- maybe nightmares- dissipating. Who or what is that glowing light halo-ing. I feel depression in this painting with a hint of the devine. Is it a start to a day or an ending. The dead plants hint at an ending.

I have felt low and tired ever since I finished the half marathon on Sunday. My energy is back today, I felt embattled, tense and depressed. With Sarah's help I have bounced back. I had a jon interview yesterday, not a job I particularly want but I would like to get to second round of interviews.

Sarah bought me a metronome and I have been practising my guitar in time to it. Playing the guitar in time has plenty to teach me about calm under pressure. If my fingering on one chord is slightly inaccurate it usually has an affect on the next chord in the sequence until the accummulative effect is that I am unable to play a chord further doen the sequence. It is an exercise in self belief. I am phyisically capable of playing every chord when it is required, accurately and correctly however I need the self belief to do it under pressure.

Namaste
posted by Jatinder at 8:49 AM

Sunflowers, 1889.
Yasuda Kasai Museum of Art, Tokyo

Ok its a cliche. But I wanted something to represent the Sun.

I feel the life of the Sun in this painting ,more than any other.

We are the Suns energy flowing to chaos.

We express that energy in creativity,

That energy blocked is depression-death.

That energy released is life.

Namaste
posted by Jatinder at 7:54 AM

Still Life with Bible, 1885
Oil on Canvas,
Van Gogh Museum, Amsterdam

Feel a bit hyper this morning. Need to calm down or I will blow a fuse. Too much going on, guitar practice, French, Job interviews, marathon running. Need to ensure there is space for me.

As for the picture, lets just say I love books.

Peace.
posted by Jatinder at 7:29 AM

Cottages, 1883
Oil on Canvas, 35 X 55.5 cm
Van Gogh Museum, Amsterdam
(Vincent van Gogh Foundation)

Definitely one of Van Gogh's dark periods. Again very atmospheric. The distance to the cottages seems insurmountable, I want to go to them but can't, my place is here, outside, observing. The scene is empty of people. The sky is dark and Wintry. I can feel Van Gogh's loneliness just emanating from the canvas.

It is the opposite of how I feel at the moment. This morning I was writing my diary, just as I put my meditation music on the room burst into light from the rising Sun.
I could feel its life filling me.

Namaste.
posted by Jatinder at 7:21 AM

View of the Sea at Scheveningen, 1882
Oil on Canvas, 34.5 X 51 cm
Van Gogh Museum, Amsterdam
(Vincent van Gogh Foundation

What an incredible painting. I could look at it all day. How has he captured not just the scene but the feel and energy of the moment. The colours are so dead but the result is so alive, I can feel the sea and sense the rain clouds coming in. I can sense Van Gogh's sheer creative energy.

I slept well last night. I neglect my sleep at my peril. I'm usually mentally exhausted and depressed the next day if I don't get enough. Lack of sleep affects my memory and ability to think clearly. I have decided to make sure I get enough.

The secret of combatting depression is to be creative. Don't let the bastards block your creativity. My creativity is me, block that and I block myself and start to die.
posted by Jatinder at 7:35 AM