tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-52265512011-04-21T23:22:55.228ZBuzz in my headgeneral Monday morning thoughtsJatindernoreply@blogger.comBlogger551100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-8984308734268901672009-04-30T14:27:00.002Z2009-04-30T14:28:25.875ZJust created a new business website. Still under construction.http://www.5qconsulting.com/Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-23001921411378020342007-08-01T20:55:00.000Z2007-08-01T20:56:50.900ZRead my first post, read my first post. I've achieved all I set out to. Isn't life great.Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1122025329909641052005-07-22T07:14:00.000Z2005-07-22T09:42:09.940Z Darda McDonagh This is the least flattering picture of my friend Darda I could find, in it she looks like George Formby on speed. In fact she looks like a sexy, arty, 30 something in real life, and flirty with it. BioDarda was big on the Lesbian girl rock scene in the early 90s. She had her own band and wrote numerous top 2000 hits. She bacame known to the tabloids when she became romatically Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1121848868915153962005-07-20T08:34:00.000Z2005-07-20T08:41:08.920ZThe Silence BornIt comes as breath from the haunted place,Bringing dark joys from a hidden heart.In it lurk old friends;splintered remains buried deep.Flesh made fluid,in the sea of embrace.Names never said, lost to the dance.Ancient gods will find their worship.Then the silence was born and made living meat.Animated through the holy Sun,sacrificed to the living wave.Then born eternal, just as Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1121667620393614062005-07-18T06:14:00.000Z2005-07-18T06:23:13.256ZMany journeys start beyond word and finish beyond words.Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1121260996302705412005-07-13T13:15:00.000Z2005-07-18T06:14:06.623ZWent to the Bristol Buddhist Centre last night. they had organic cotton t-shirts for sale, I thought "but are they fair trade". That made me smile. This is the first time I have meditated in a group. I had all the usual nervousness of doing something for the first time, however these sensations are all quite familiar now, they are welcome precursors to pleasant experiences.I've journeyed from a Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1121073204322509282005-07-11T08:05:00.000Z2005-07-20T07:58:10.646ZI have just read a harrowing account of a rescuer's experience of the London bombings. The description of what seemed to be a pile of clothes turning out to be a woman with all her limbs blown off will stay with me. I have also been listening to Paulo Coelho's the Alchemist, a book about following one's heart.Anger can burn deep and never end, how does one tell the difference between what the Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1120729821494198172005-07-07T09:42:00.000Z2005-07-07T10:22:09.606ZI have escaped Siemens and I have escaped the last job that drained my will to live. After all that risk taking, effort and pain I now have a brilliant job.I'm a management consultant for Airbus, I earn a salary that is enough to live on and make a few dreams reality. I'm doing something I'm good at and want to be good at. I haven't cut my hair in over a year and I like the way I look.This is allJatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1100598892256805622004-11-16T09:49:00.000Z2004-11-17T09:00:43.450ZI have resigned from my job, find my unofficial resignation letter below. I had a terrible personal time this year. I also changed and the job no longer felt right Churchill’s definition of success was " to move from one failure to the next without any loss of momentum." The latter half of this year has been movement from one failure to another and I have lost momentum. I would like to apologiseJatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1073381274040099982004-01-06T09:27:00.000Z2005-07-07T10:24:46.480ZI feel lost at the moment, far away from my partner, tired, dead end job. I want to escape.No more words.NamasteJatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1073295000092639522004-01-05T09:30:00.000Z2004-01-05T09:38:46.090Z The Bodies Chakras Did a Chakra meditation before work to day. Not sure if it's new age idiocy or not. The meditation was calming, but then again any meditation would be calming. Got my first Job interview since I started the current round of job applications this Friday. There is a part of me that is terrified. I don't want to move, I don't want a scary new job. I'm scared- says a voice in Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1069836382706461732003-11-26T08:46:00.000Z2003-11-27T08:36:31.793Z Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1069834735453777252003-11-26T08:18:00.000Z2003-11-26T08:37:36.860Z Anarchists aren't much for spelling. The meaning I take from this applies to any system of beliefs, even the ones the average anarchist has created for themselves. We either innovate or die, slow empty lives living in whatever box we have sqeezed ourselves into. Open minds, open world. The bastards that created most of the worlds problems step in to resolve them by a means that is only Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1069748810529185942003-11-25T08:26:00.000Z2003-11-25T09:00:11.640Z From Kent State, where on May 4, 1970 National Guardsmen (background) fired in to a crowd of demonstrators, killing four and wounding nine? I like this Image. It shows the cowardice of men with guns. True courage is standing for what you believe despite the conseqences. It may be time for this sentiment to rise again. Society is becoming a dumb consuming mass herded by very clever manipulatorsJatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1069685589060034982003-11-24T14:53:00.000Z2003-11-24T14:59:59.013Z This image summarises my feelings quite well. Just gone through a period where I had few real words. Beginning to find some words again. The irony is when I met friends I seemed to say alot but the word were a method of saying nothing. More soon.Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1065604983165831892003-10-08T09:23:00.000Z2003-10-08T09:32:13.516Z One of the friezes from the Elgin Marbles Death to comfort zones. I want to challenge myself, scare myself again- a lesson learnt from my partner. Why the picture, it's me escaping. NamasteJatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1065426907681134812003-10-06T07:55:00.000Z2003-10-06T08:06:16.026Z Picture of Ocean- Nicked, appropriately enough, from a Taoism web site We are an ocean, in which our many parts swim. We lose ourselves by becoming a small fraction of "the self", a miniscule fish in that endless water. Dare to be the ocean, see how big you really are. Namaste. Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1065167491192785172003-10-03T07:51:00.000Z2003-10-03T08:10:15.626Z Da Vinci Battle I dreamt the other night I was small and powerless, I was in a room full of people talking and my words could not be heard. I knew nothing I could say would convince anybody of anything, I was totally inadeqate, powerless and lost. I had this dream over two nights. Ever since I have felt disconnected from my energy and powerless. My love is in Swansea. I've lost a part of Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1064905845853789642003-09-30T07:10:00.000Z2003-09-30T07:46:50.883Z Da Vinci Skull Study I wanted a skull illustration. Thank to the wonders of the internet I found one by a genius 500 years dead. I have been thinking about one's voices. The little quiet voices we have in our heads which whisper away- all the people I have questioned about them say they are always negative. The worst approach we can take to them is to ignore them. They will only get louder. Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1064843662139091252003-09-29T13:54:00.000Z2003-09-29T14:06:43.046Z Wheatfield with Crows, 1890 Oil on Canvas, 50.5 X 103 cm Van Gogh Museum, Amsterdam What amazing bright colours. This painting has a childish edge to it. Some impressionists had an ambition to learn to paint as children do. I wonder if Van Gogh had that goal. Mentally and physically exhausted. Just want to sleep. It was my loves first day at university to day, my thoughts have been with Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1064475310757233892003-09-25T07:35:00.001Z2003-09-25T07:50:25.150Z View of the Mediterranean at Maguelonne, 1858 Oil on Canvas, 92 x 135 cm Van Gogh Museum, Amsterdam Fuming with anger. The fuckwit managers at work have just screwed the workforce over. I won't go into gory details. It is my first complete screwing at work. I'm trying to be positive. They have done me favour. I have all the motivation I need to move on, however this thinking still leaves theJatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1063870711038758372003-09-18T07:38:00.000Z2003-09-18T07:43:03.073Z By Pontormo Study of Saint Francis : Verso: Dead Christ Italian, about 1517 Black chalk I am still punch drunk from 1/2 a bottle of wine and plenty of sleep. It takes until lunch before I am fully awake. Not many word in me today. Feel positive and happy. Namaste Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1063784407884960772003-09-17T07:40:00.000Z2003-09-17T08:09:34.706Z Christ of St. John of the Cross,1951" by Salvador Dali I have been thinking about fear and the psycho drama we impose on the world around us. My thoughts on fear were sparked by a conversation with a Tae Kwon Do instructor. He was describing the belts and the meaning of the colours. Apparently the black of the black belt signifies fear, not the fear that others should have of you but the Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1063706644618010152003-09-16T10:04:00.000Z2003-09-16T10:09:28.500Z Death Loves Me" by Todd Lockwoood I'm in a Dark mood at the moment. Death can seem seductive-she is wonderfully illustrated above. Living Death, is to be abandoned, step lightly so it never happens again. Breathe too deep and you will fall until the pit envelops you. Namaste Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1063611822235170792003-09-15T07:43:00.000Z2003-09-15T08:21:45.456Z Heath at Laren, 1887 Watercolour, 52.5 x 81.5 cm Van Gogh Museum, Amsterdam A lonely scene, it reflects how I feel at the moment. I have been fighting my demons all weekend and feel I have lost the battle. Zen in one sentence, " To be able to view the Moon clearly on the surface of the pond". The pond is you, the self causes the pond to ripple. The only way to see clearly is to remove the Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1063352534980750312003-09-12T07:42:00.000Z2003-09-12T07:52:41.036Z Christus Consolator, 1837 Oil on Canvas, 184 x 248 cm On loan from the Amsterdams Historisch Museum, Amsterdam Religious painting seems the same the world over. This picture reminds me of the Sikh paintings my parents used to display in makeshift little shrines, completely contrary to the principles of Sikhism however many Sikhs do it anyway. This style of painting triggers thoughts of Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1063270188491916432003-09-11T08:49:00.000Z2003-09-11T09:50:25.073Z Vierge nimbée, 1898 Pastel, 44 x 28 cm Van Gogh Museum, Amsterdam* What an incredible picture. What is going on. It reminds me of a dark winter morning, half asleep, last nights dreams- maybe nightmares- dissipating. Who or what is that glowing light halo-ing. I feel depression in this painting with a hint of the devine. Is it a start to a day or an ending. The dead plants hint at an endingJatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1062748466089226562003-09-05T07:54:00.000Z2003-09-05T08:13:12.950Z Sunflowers, 1889. Yasuda Kasai Museum of Art, Tokyo Ok its a cliche. But I wanted something to represent the Sun. I feel the life of the Sun in this painting ,more than any other. We are the Suns energy flowing to chaos. We express that energy in creativity, That energy blocked is depression-death. That energy released is life. NamasteJatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1062660566760343622003-09-04T07:29:00.000Z2003-09-04T07:39:18.133Z Still Life with Bible, 1885 Oil on Canvas, Van Gogh Museum, Amsterdam Feel a bit hyper this morning. Need to calm down or I will blow a fuse. Too much going on, guitar practice, French, Job interviews, marathon running. Need to ensure there is space for me. As for the picture, lets just say I love books. Peace.Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1062573697655289252003-09-03T07:21:00.000Z2003-09-03T07:35:42.150Z Cottages, 1883 Oil on Canvas, 35 X 55.5 cm Van Gogh Museum, Amsterdam (Vincent van Gogh Foundation) Definitely one of Van Gogh's dark periods. Again very atmospheric. The distance to the cottages seems insurmountable, I want to go to them but can't, my place is here, outside, observing. The scene is empty of people. The sky is dark and Wintry. I can feel Van Gogh's loneliness just emanatingJatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1062488113646672122003-09-02T07:35:00.000Z2003-09-02T07:54:58.843Z View of the Sea at Scheveningen, 1882 Oil on Canvas, 34.5 X 51 cm Van Gogh Museum, Amsterdam (Vincent van Gogh Foundation What an incredible painting. I could look at it all day. How has he captured not just the scene but the feel and energy of the moment. The colours are so dead but the result is so alive, I can feel the sea and sense the rain clouds coming in. I can sense Van Gogh's sheer Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1062142878220183412003-08-29T07:41:00.000Z2003-08-29T08:18:40.496Z Francesco di Marco Marmitta da Parma (Emilian, 1457 (?)-1505) Adoration of the Shepherds (recto), 15th century, ca. 1492-95 Finally recoverd from my tiredness. Slept well last night. French was fun, as always. I was too tired to take much of it in. Todays painting was picked purely for its colours. The blues are quite beautiful and the painting feels fresh and alive. I'm going to be applying Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1062063654887381182003-08-28T09:40:00.000Z2003-08-28T12:21:02.036Z Ludolf Backhuysen Ships in Distress off a Rocky Coast, 1667 Ailsa Mellon Bruce Fund 1985.29.1 Still tired. I will be working late to make up flexi-time. Then I have 3hrs of French. I need sleep and plenty of it. I feel a little low, mostly due to tiredness. When I'm tired everything feels distant and thinking clearly is difficult. I used to be hard on myself for being tired ,never allowing Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1061972765519093522003-08-27T08:26:00.000Z2003-08-27T09:03:58.306Z Albrecht Dürer Knight, Death and Devil, 1513 Gift of W.G. Russell Allen 1941.1.20 I am exhausted. I ran 20 Km on Monday then when I got home I caught a burglar trying to break into the flat above mine. I have been angry with people around me. I feel criticised. Normally I would have internalised the anger and blamed myself. I no longer do that. I'm eccentric and that gets adverse attention. Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1061885046257812772003-08-26T08:04:00.000Z2003-08-27T08:04:12.843Z Michelangelo Buonarroti 1475-1563 Deploration over the Dead Christ Red chalk His work feels so modern. Even in this sketch you can feel the lifelessness of Christ's bodyJatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-1061477764067960402003-08-21T14:56:00.000Z2003-08-21T14:56:03.903ZI'm back. I haven't written my Blog for a while. It was part of a whole process that sucked so much poison out of my system that it left me a happy, postive wreck of a person. I can see a future and there is a point. Politician will always be liars, if you are foolish enough to believe the likes of Bush and Blair then smug self satsified hippys such as myself will be there say "told you so".Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-946770262003-05-21T09:06:00.000Z2003-05-21T09:06:32.870ZJatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-933870372003-04-28T07:54:00.000Z2003-04-28T07:54:55.880ZExcellent weekend. A little tired. Went for a run last night to give me some energy and then watched "Good Will Hunting" while drinking Jacob's Creek sparkling wine, fine Champagne in all but name. I have been working on my beliefs. The most interesting aspect of this work is learning what they are. They are mostly magical, some are terrifying. An interesting discovery is that I am where I am Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-931003852003-04-23T08:14:00.000Z2003-04-24T07:59:29.000Z30 000 year Old Cave Painting I have been thinking about beliefs and connections. I have been observing all the connections I have made over the past few weeks and discovered I have connected in unexpected ways. I'm sounding all abstract and theoretical, i'll illustrate my point with an example. I have bought a kite, I bought it because I enjoyed flying my girlfriend's counsin's kite. I flew it Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-927661412003-04-17T07:40:00.000Z2003-04-17T07:52:32.000Z I feel that I have a mountain to climb. I have a clearer idea of the career I want and it is a question of fighting for it. I despair at the task infront of me. To escape from this mundane job to a more interesting, life fulfilling role. I feel negative when I need not be, I have good qualifications, a potentially excellent CV , I just need the confidence to employ my resources to the task. Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-926482902003-04-15T13:33:00.000Z2003-08-28T12:24:07.923ZWilliam Blake- Red Dragon This is one of my favourite paintings. The only defence against the great Dragon is to clothe oneself in the sun.There are probably numerous messages in this painting knowing Blake. My interpretation ,for today, is that it represents the British Spring protecting against the foul stinking pits of depression. I have learnt to allow myself to be empty in the moment and toJatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-925409652003-04-13T20:38:00.000Z2003-04-17T07:56:44.000ZIraq The Looting ContinuesGreat Cartoon. It summarises perfectly what this war is about.Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-925302032003-04-13T16:26:00.000Z2003-04-15T13:33:57.000ZThe Wanderer ReturnsThe girlfriend is back from South Africa and this is what she had to say"Back in Blighty - sad to have left Africa behind, but excited to see what the future holds ...."Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-924759292003-04-12T08:08:00.000Z2003-04-12T08:28:23.000ZMy Bay WindowThis is the view from my bay window this fine Spring morning. It is where I sit and stare, steeling myself before another day's work. The birds are singing and it is peaceful. It is an enriching experience sitting in my comfortable swivel chair and just staring out, marvelling at the Sun and the bird song. Happy Saturday.Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-924148792003-04-11T07:44:00.000Z2003-04-11T08:15:35.000ZMe and My Kite On the Beach I've been thinking about the scenes from the past which play in my head. There are half a dozen of them and they have replayed themselves so often that they fade into the background of my day. On occasions when I "write out" a knot in my stomach I find they are there. I realised that they are scenes from points in my life that shapped who I am today. I see them as Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-923486102003-04-10T08:39:00.000Z2003-04-10T09:37:05.000ZMy energy is low. I have discovered that my job is the main irritant in my life. It is unrewarding, boring and unchallenging ;everything else in my life is pretty good at the moment. Few words in me today. Feel vulnerable. Slept well. Did plenty of writing yesterday, spoke to old friends. This is where I want to be today. Rhossilli Beach Swansea. Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-922772632003-04-09T07:46:00.000Z2003-04-09T07:46:11.140ZSlept well. Another beautiful Spring morning. Feel more confident job hunting. Wrote extensively in my journal this morning. Yesterday was a turning point in my life. I felt calm and in control. I ooze confidence and my life seems to make more sense. Five years ago I was completely lost, I didn't know why I felt what I did. I was lost in a sea of churning emotions. Drinking was my only way out. Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-922081962003-04-08T07:53:00.000Z2003-04-08T07:53:28.700ZGot to bed at ten, exhausted, quickly fell into a deep sleep. Wokeup early this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. A head full of thoughts. Angry thoughts. Felt distrustful and betrayed. Finally got back to sleep at five, got out of bed at eight and I need to be at work at eight thirty. Where did that come from, I felt like a victim. I'll be sluggish all day from lack of sleep. Beautiful Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-921366512003-04-07T08:16:00.000Z2003-04-07T08:20:50.000ZSuccessfully lead Bob astary. Started in the local pub, where we met a 60 year old pool hustler named Brian. Then we all agreed to take it easy and not go clubbing. Three pints later we are calling a taxi to go clubbing, we can't get into Escape so opt for The Palace instead. It is "drum and bass" night. There aren't many people there, the music is passable, live rapping. Free food is served forJatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-920333352003-04-05T09:29:00.000Z2003-04-05T09:29:25.390ZI've escaped Manchester. I burned down the motorway to Swansea. I love driving full throttle late at night on empty fast roads. The weather is beautiful. I'm ready to fill my empty soul. For me Manchester is associated with the eternal trudge of work and Swansea is where I've had some of my most enjoyable experiences. My mind has been in a vice like grip all week but now I'm relaxing. I've Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-919719342003-04-04T09:05:00.000Z2003-04-04T09:05:19.780ZManky Manchester. Grey, not quite rain. I know it will rain by "home time" as I walked into work rather than bring the 4 wheeled umbrella (K reg Vauxhall Astra). I have been considering where my life is going all week. I feel I need to take a few risks. Since I started my present job my " I can do anthing" confidence has drained. I always feel my energy being sucked away as I walk to work, once IJatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-919012432003-04-03T08:05:00.000Z2003-04-03T08:17:02.000ZBeautiful Manchester Spring morning. A real shame to be going to work. Don't feel I have many words today. I have been thinking about waiting. How many parts of my life seem to be parked up at the moment while I seem to be waiting for something. I think I have many excuses for inaction; am I waiting to be rescued? Slept deeply again last night, this seems to be becoming a habit. I used to need a Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-918309552003-04-02T08:20:00.000Z2003-04-02T12:46:05.000ZDrank a bottle of wine last night. Finished the whole bottle even though I didn't really want to. This is a throwback to an older life. I've come a long way since I used to spend my evenings drinking to a torpid state. A state of mind I required to survive my existence, so I thought. This morning I have realised how far I have come. My energy was low this morning, purely due to the chemical Jatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-917657412003-04-01T10:40:00.000Z2003-04-02T12:46:20.000ZBlogger just lost my earlier entry. It was all over the place anyway. I awoke to rain this morning after a deep and restful sleep. I don't know what's wrong with me, I enjoy the mornings. I like writing my journal first thing while drinking morning tea. My journal is more personal than my blog. I say things in it I'm too scared to even think. My flat is still a mess from my South Africa trip, IJatindernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226551.post-916984472003-03-31T09:24:00.001Z2003-04-02T12:46:39.000ZWoke up this morning and my head was buzzing. The prospect of another pointless day was part of it. I won't bore anyone with what I do, but it pays the bills and leaves me enough to buy toys so I shouldn't complain. The stupid war is also part of my buzz . It infects us like that pneumonia virus and we don't realise it. The sea of lies told by both sides enrages me. The passivity of the AmercicanJatindernoreply@blogger.com